Not to sound too much like Yoda, but this blog is an exercise in unlearning what you never learned. Releasing the previously conceived notions of anger and jealousy. It is a strength and conditioning class for your intellect, so that it can go the full five, five minute rounds with your instincts (even though we hope your intellect triangle chokes the shit out of your instincts 1:36 into the first round).
For purposes of this highly educational blog (that means that it won't be entertaining), instincts will only refer to the following emotions: Anger & Jealousy. For those readers that are of a younger generation, the following emoticons: x-( & -.-*
Instincts are tough. They have been born and bred by eons of entropy fueled evolution (species) as well as years of classical conditioning (personal). And due to the fact that life as well as all things understood follow the 2nd law of thermal dynamics (read: entropy), intelligent life is completely contrary to the natural flow of energy. I'm using the term "intelligent life" to mean beings that makes decisions that are not based on a purely cause/effect relationship, but rather decisions based on an educated insight into ones true desires for his/her present and future. This is the letting go of the modern diction of western life. To rap it up in one easy to swallow word...Tao. Tao with a sexual propensity! Damn, too many words...Tsao!
For reasons that I will expand on in future posts, letting go of these emotions through the study of my newfangled religion will open your eyes (which are currently barely at a squint). In other words: BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND! Sorry, i got a little carried away with the caps lock.
I think you will like the religion too. I mean what isn't there to like. I started it, there are only 3 teachings of doctrine, you don't have to "attend" anything (which is two fewer times than most catholics, and a shit-ton fewer times than if you were catholic and moving in with my grandmother), and I'll be damned if it doesn't get you laid at least once.
What? You want to know the doctrine? Suuurrree...why not. In no particular order (as there is not "order" in Tsao:
1)Don't fall for the opposite sex
-See future posts (read: invent flux capacitor) on "living free of dated christian beliefs", "monogamy", "sexuality" and "Crossbows: If she has one, you're fucked..."
2)Keep your life as free of anger and jealousy as humanly possible
-This is probably the most valuable piece of advice that I as a human being can ever offer anyone. Seriously. Details to follow as well.
3)Play it safe playa
-Everybody knows the first rule of Skindoggs Rules to Playin the Right Plays as a Playa..."skin to win". But sadly, winning that way can make your piss feel like fire, make your dick and pubic region look like it was attacked by fire ants, and shut your immune system down all 28 days later style. Wu-Tangs Ghostface: ...here, take this raincoat and practice safe sex. He seemed to ignore, I said be for real, she's not even worth it to go raw deal...
Here is a text 2-part-series to the head of the Tsao belief system(read: me):
"Ur texting made me wanna touch myself and i touched myself till i fell asleep! Fuck i'm now late! I love it though!"
...then...
"Not the being late! But the fact that u can Fuck me to sleep in the middle of the afternoon and ur not even here! I love that!"
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
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3 comments:
first comment, first blog!
Consider it let go brother
How does safety play into your new religion? Im looking forward to more posts.
I'm jealous. Is that wrong?
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