All in all a strong weekend was had. Lots of good drinking mixed with a strong smoking undertone and a sexual bouquet of other pleasantries. Weekend highlight was the trip from the Lawyer’s sweet pad to Hooligans. Halfway through that walk we took a little bathroom break at the
Lawyer, Nurse and Mexican used the dudes’ and MBSE and I used the chicks’ room. Boy did I draw a lucky straw on that one! Those guys totally missed out on a badass handicap stall sexual showdown (luckily I never leave home without my pistol).
Being the sexual ninja that I am, I was able to survive her initial attempt to use super-human sucking powers to steal my man-weapon. From there I was able to jiu-jitsu my way to her back and use thrusts of rhythm and power to deplete her sexual energy levels. I knew I was close to defeating her, and if it was anybody else I could have easily sunk in a choke for the finish. There was only one problem; my hands were completely occupied with the task of controlling her machine-gun jubblies. Typically this wouldn’t be a problem given the average size of mammary machine gunnery, but I was dealing with two .50 caliber barrels of life ending force. I had no choice. I needed to finish her or fall defeated. So I bit her. …right above the shoulder blade. She let out a scream and I knew that it was do or die time. I quickly spun her around while she was still in her depleted state and gave her the option to take the Kirk Cobain route or I would finish her off myself. She put the barrel in her mouth and, without a single blink of the eye, pulled the trigger.
If I had an instructor, I’m sure he would have promoted me to blue-belt.
The rest of the night was a pretty damn good time. Lots of booze and shenanigans at Hoolies, mixed in with the people that I try to steer clear of. Yep, I’m talking about
Ryal’s girl did the standard attempt to jump my bones regardless of the fact that I was drooling over my delightfully hot and baggage free girl all night. Don’t worry though; someday I’ll be drunk/bored enough to get myself in trouble with that mom.
I’ll now wrap this all up with an old joke that I just made up: What’s the difference between a
2 comments:
The US soldier has a don't ask don't tell policy.
BAM!
HAHAHAHAHA
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