Evel Knievel Daze

I was halfway into writing about some belief system that would help my disciples (read: readers) model their behaviors for continued life learning, but I think it is time for a story from days past.

I had rolled into Butte for some fine Evel drinking shenanigans. As with most of my more entertaining stories, it started with a sack-o-wine. PIC and I hopped on his longboard for a quick doubles run down the path. For those that don't know, a doubles run is where two incredibly straight males ride one longboard at the same time. Sort of like Ace and Gary without the cool superhero costumes. During the ride we would take turns giving each other wine shots. This stunt requires incredible balance, or it simply is not possible to get blackout drunk. After stopping at a bon-fire by tech for some 15' wine shots and some drinking songs, we continue down granite street and over to the silver dollar. As my English co-worker would say, by this point we were "MAJESTIC" (read: HOUSED). I think we decided to go to the Vu after the coin, but by the time we got there it was closed. Off to the caps house for more drinking and some bottle cap sliding. It was then that I took some time out my busy booze schedule to run upstairs, bust in on Tom and Aryn mid-coitus or mid-sleep and cheer for Levi Leipheimer at the top of my lungs (with a "GO LEVI" sign and all).

Clearly I was still sober:


It must have been around 4am when we decided that we were all plenty sauced. I got a ride back to a girls house where she invited me to bed and we proceeded to have some fine spoon sex. I'm sure there was other sex, but my memory at that point was pretty unimpressive.

Woke up after what felt like 1/3 the amount of sleep I should have had, and enjoyed a quick hangover-hump. Always a good way to start a day when your head feels like somebody kicked it with a steel-toed shoe and your mouth tastes like the shit-in-your-mouth-when-you-are-asleep troll payed you a nighttime visit.

The next day was over 38 degrees C (100+ F) and full of motorcycles, booze and weed. Pretty good time, but nothing too crazy.

That night (again at the coin) we were having a less than blackout time and decided we need to sent a picture to Qotlom. Qotlom is a drinking/makeout partner of mine that has a propensity towards pouring booze down my pants, so we took a picture of PIC "pouring" a beer down my pants. The only thing was, it was an empty can. Then out of nowhere a butte friend (female we will call BF) came crashing through the crowd in butte-drunk fashion and actually poors a beer down my pants (Oh Qotlom, it would have made you proud).

BF was then willing to makeout with this guy:


The group makes a consensus to again go to the Vu. BF, two other girls and I start walking our way there when I see this:

BARON DeHIRCH LODGE, NO. 420.

"Hey BF, get down in that stairwell! We're makin out down there!" (see stairwell doing down next to main entrance) It wasn't but 10 seconds of tongue wrestling before she made a mad dash for my belt. Being the Tsaoist that I am, I reached up her skirt and pulled her panties to the side and got to work. Her back against the door and leg up on the banister. DAMN it was hot.

Not really sure how long that lasted, but in the middle of the festivities a couple comes walking down the sidewalk right next to us. My back was to the street and didn't see it, but BF started to giggle. Without pulling out I look behind me and the couple says "Don't worry, we've done that before". Hahaha! Oh butte, how I love you.

Couple more pumps and I'm ready to erupt. In a slick maneuver that I hadn't performed before, I pull out and skeet her 5 hole. I didn't confirm the shot, but I'm 95% sure I hit the door. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the basement door to Butte's sole Jewish synagogue. I sure hope god's "chosen people" aren't right, because that will be the definition of awkward explaining that one post-life.

We cum up out of the stairwell and proceed with out Vu-based travels. Made it about 1.5 blocks before I had her leg up again and her back against some dilapidated garage. The type that can only be found in uptown Butte. That didn't last long.

BF: Is that guy looking at us?

I look across the street where she is looking. Sure as shit there is a guy with just his head sticking out of his screen door. Drinking. It. In.

Me: Hmmm...I guess we should wonder someplace else.

We head another block and a half for some more mutual pleasure. It was really some top notch public romping. We were both sated and decided we should finally make it over to the Vu.

As it stood, we had been at it a little longer than originally predicted and the Vu was totally closed up. We really didn't have much else to do so we bid each other farewell and like any good Tsaoist would, we enjoyed our time together and went out separate ways.