Moving on…
I’ve divulged so many specifics of Tsaoism thus far, but sadly I have neglected one of the core beliefs: The Campground Rule. This is a very simple guideline that states “Leave it in better condition than you found it”. Once this guideline is married with the three big Sexual-Never-Go-Theres (Animals, Scat and Children), I think you have a strong foundation to build your future relationshits upon. No longer are you bound by the gray area questions of whether or not a situation is acceptable. People’s accusations of somebody being too old, too young, too fat, etc will no longer hold water against your beliefs built in solid logic. If you enjoy it, and you leave it in better condition than you found it, then there really isn’t any reason that you should put another seconds worth of thought into your decision.
At first I thought this was just a great idea, now I know it is a great idea AND a funny metaphor.
The Woods: The hordes of females that are scattered across the world.
Breaking a new camp: Taking a virginity.
Using a campsite: Sex.
Leaving garbage behind: Giving an STD.
Ruining a campsite: Getting a girl pregnant.
Campsite restoration project: Showing somebody that sex can be fun when it isn’t with your stepdad in the back of a single-wide trailer.
As the leader of the Tsao belief system, I’m now going to appoint myself as the Sexual Forest Service Campsite Chief Inspector. I’ll be assuring that campground patrons adhere to LNT (leave no trace) guidelines for single night stays, as well as leave the campground in better condition that it was found for extended stays. These rules must be followed in order to keep the great outdoors (read: vaginas and penises) beautiful for our generation and generations to cum. Remember, how we treat campsites today will directly impact the number of mountain lions (read: cougs) that will occupy the woods in the future.
The following picture is a campsite comment card:
Let’s keep [The]
3 comments:
okay. I give. This is just too damn funny. And it doesn't help that I love to camp! I'm diggin' the metaphores/analogies. Especially like "leave it in better condition than you found it"
You are a clever writer. However, you do seem to have of lately a fixation ( beit small) with cougars. But ultimately yourl Tsaos teaching - "if you enjoy it and leave it in better condition than you found it..." (a bit subjective) is right on the mark!
One of the most common ways to ruin the woods for future generations is to let your campfire burn out of control. It is very easy to prevent this from happening. Make sure you have a bucket of water and shovel nearby, and never leave your fire unattended. Most importantly, when finished make sure your fire is completely extinguished:
Pour water in the fire, use the shovel or a stick to stir the embers, dousing any still glowing pieces of wood. Move stones, if you used them, to be sure no hot embers are hiding beneath them. After 30 to 45 minutes, place your hands near the former fire to see if you feel any warmth. If you do, apply sufficient water to completely soak the remaining wood and check again for burning embers. Cover completely with dirt.
Happy camping!
"You have helped me realize I can be faithful to a man...now I feel better and have more respect for myself and body cause if I can stop myself from fucking you, I can do anything." Wow, Buff, I'm speechless. It's such a heartwarming story.
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