SCCREEEAAAACCCCHHHH....BLAMMO

As Gus Chigguns would often times say “I’d be more worried about the coyotes!” Sadly, Gus was an old time’in son of a bitch that doesn’t know the first thing about the madness of Wisconsin.

Tsaoism takes a stance against support of superstition, paranormal, Jesus and Sigfield and Roy. Any type of thoughts or lifestyle modeling that is based in fear or profit based hype-mongering has little room in a tsao based life. This isn’t to say that I disregard any beliefs that I don’t readily understand. It is just that I spend very little time thinking about these things or the proposed repercussions (read: Hell or being eaten by a tiger). So when I tell you that I had a bad run at traveling on Friday the 13^th, please understand that I believe that this was purely a statistical inevitability.

Went to my favorite Russian restaurant Thursday night, but left my card at the place. So at lunch the next day, I had to make a run to get it back. Ran inside, gave the guy from LA some shit for the Lakers losing after having a 24 point lead on Boston, then jumped in the car and headed back to work. About a mile down the road we were going by a big beer truck that was parked, and as we passed I noticed that a driver of a Dodge Stratus was not looking at us and pulling out into the road quite quickly in our direction. The driver of the car I was in made a last ditch attempt at getting out of their way, but there was nothing to be done. Two high school girls had us in their death grip and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Her front end nailed the back passenger side tire with enough force that my sunglasses took a trip from my face to the feet of the driver. The driver and I seemed to be fine, so we pulled into a nearby parking lot. Moments later the girls pulled in as well. They got out and the Dodge driver apologized to my driver and, after assuring nobody was injured, they started to exchange insurance info. As for how the cars faired, I’d say the bigger Yukon XL held its own (read: won) against the Stratus.

Being a blog conscience individual I immediately got out and took pictures. Being a humor conscience individual I immediately sent a text to Anonymous_Blogger:

Me: If you get hit by girls in a car, is it okay to hit on them?

AB: If they don’t have insurance they have to have sex with you.

A cop shows up and starts to get everybody’s story and personal information. I don’t remember anything except that the girl said she was 15 years old. FUCK

Me: I might want to wait a year. They were born in ’93.

AB: Go for it you pussy.

I assume that my Lawyer told him to say that as my brother and I haven’t been giving him much work recently (read: money). Nice try, but you are going to have to get my money the old fashioned way: Get me drunk enough to make terrible decisions.

The long and short of that little tidbit is that for the first time in my life I was not pleased with the results when two underage high school girls smacked my ass. I guess there is a first for everything.

The rest of the day didn’t fair well either when I got stuck in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport for quite a few hours after all the airport watering holes had closed and eventually got into billings around 1:30pm.

Saturday the 14^th was much nicer.